untitled [Een dichter]

She asked for a reason: “Why do you seek, why do you always seek?” She probably expected that even for this question I’d have a considered answer, a reasonable thing to say, something that would originate from the domain of reason, an explanation, something logical, a simple thing, a rule compatible, not contradict with my existence / existing set of rules, the set that is the sum of my ego and some might perceive as a book easy to live by (or for, for that matter.) She was not entirely wrong to expect what she expected, to look for what she sought, I did expect to find an answer, myself, and hell, I wrote the rules by hand, know them by heart. I would probably answer that I just want to hold someone and be held, that I somehow need to be part as if unable to be whole solely on my own (merits). Yet I am quite uncertain whether that counts, whether it suffices as a valid answer, nice to say perhaps when trying to appear deep. An answer that seems deep at the surface, but in it’s attempted profoundness defies logic, as well as the parts of me I know and understand, somehow it seems unexplored territory. (Is it at all possible that it is never explored, that I never attempted to describe it, never endeavoured to put it on paper, due to the fact that it is physically impossible to describe the nature of a cavity?)

 

Plus est en moi [Een dichter]

They say darkness is the absence of light, but doesn’t light owe 
it’s existence to darkness, after all, are not both of them of equal 
importance to get a sense of difference?
 I am probably more of a reflector, rather than a source of light
 myself, not out of intrinsic inability, although neither a choice
 My light’s surrounded by walls, carefully crafted throughout the 
years by uninvited strangers accompanied by a whole crew of 
builders formerly known as loved ones, alienating
 themselves, brick by brick, impeding the weakening attempts
 of my light to escape their fortress
 Silence, total silence, as well as darkness, complete darkness have 
a thing in common, both are
voids,
markers for the absence of their, generally more positively
 regarded antonyms, but there is another common denominator:
 they both terrify me
 I need music because I cannot cope with the meticulous and 
everlasting solo concerto of emptiness for a ticking clock;
 and sleeping feels like surrendering to the unknown,
 the nothing of a hollow darkness
 I am not a real night person, it’s just that surrendering to sleep, 
entering the gaping black, is way easier exhausted then it is at
 reasonable times, with fighting energy left
 Some people shine, others add to the shadows
 In my fortress, at least some bit of - false - comfort can be found.
 I regard the importance of the question whether it’s com-
fort is just a self invented illusion, or an actual reality as bearing
 the same weight as the meaning of the debate whether light
 needs darkness or the contrary,
 precisely: none, whatsoever.


2014
September
21Stadsmagie
August
17Untitled
15De Toeschouwer
8Kussenspel
2Dure fles
July
25Untitled
22Untitled
June
30Tabula Rasa
22Plus est en moi
April
12Vreemdeling
February
5Orpheus / Opus 23 / in a-klein


2013
February
14Tantalus
10Untitled
10Nachtwandeling / liefdespad
10Wie is ze?
10Een wolkje


2011
October
5Untitled